


15 Reasons You Should Not Like Me Even Though I Want You To

by porcelain_cats



Series: Not Quite Right - The MySpace AU [4]
Category: Star Wars Episode VII: The Force Awakens (2015)
Genre: Implied mental illness, M/M, brief/vague gore mention, hux is a twitchy violent lovesick mess, hux's list of things he hates about himself, myspace au, myspace au canon, well he's not really in love yet but he's crushin
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-06-25
Updated: 2016-06-25
Packaged: 2018-07-18 02:35:06
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,500
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/7296079
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/porcelain_cats/pseuds/porcelain_cats
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Hux has compulsions that he relieves in P.E. class, but it's not just for his benefit anymore.</p>
            </blockquote>





	15 Reasons You Should Not Like Me Even Though I Want You To

First impressions were often wrong, Hux found.

It seemed that everyone in his phys-ed class operated under the assumption that he would either spend the time reading on the bleachers - _a cliche stereotype_ \- or feign illness - _why put all that effort into pretending to be sick when you could just skip school altogether?_ Just because he was perhaps more delicate than some of the other students didn’t mean he wouldn’t want to participate. P.E. was actually one of Hux’s favorite classes (on the days he didn’t get kicked out, anyway).

He had a tendency to… break the rules, so to speak, and it often got him in a lot of trouble with both teachers and teammates alike. There was the basketball incident, where he tripped everyone on the opposing team instead of playing defense. Then there was the tennis debacle, where he intentionally threw a racket at his opponent’s head. Most infamous of all was the flag football fiasco. Meek little Dopheld Mitaka was doing his best to return to his team’s side of the field with the football, only to be intercepted by Hux who yanked Mitaka to the ground and started to strangle him with his own flag belt.

“I was trying to be a team player,” Hux said matter-of-factly to the counselor he knew all too well. “Isn’t one of the goals of flag football to intercept the runner and remove their flag belt?”

“Yes, yes it is Brendon,” the counselor said, closing her eyes and pinching the bridge of her flat nose in disbelief, “but _strangling_ your classmates is _not.”_

Hux blinked at her quizzically, face running through a rapid assortment of micro-expressions as if he were trying to find the right one. “Ms. Kanata, that rule was never mentioned in class.”

“We’ve never had to mention that rule because there weren’t any students who were inclined to break it.” Hux looked down at his hands on the desk, dejected. Ms. Kanata sighed, adjusting her huge round glasses and scooting a bit closer to cover Hux’s clammy hands with one of her own. “Brendon… you’re smart. You know that and I know that. You _also_ know that assaulting someone is wrong, regardless of whether the rules forbid it or not.”

“I just wanted my team to win.”

Ms. Kanata’s gaze softened in hopes that it might ease the next blow. “I’m sure you did, but do you think your team would be happy that they won by hurting a fellow classmate?”

Hux looked lost for a minute, his left eye and the corresponding corner of his mouth twitching in unison. He opened his mouth to speak, but paused before his answer came out. _Yes. No, he couldn’t say that, that wasn’t right._ “No, I suppose not. I’m sorry. I’ll try to reign in my enthusiasm next time.”

“That would be for the best, I think. Now, thankfully Dopheld wasn’t hurt too badly, but I’m still going to have to write you up for your behavior and give your parents a call. In the meantime, I suggest you talk to Mrs. Pava about setting you up a personalized curriculum that doesn’t involve team sports until you’re able to play more… conscientiously. Alright?”

“Okay.” Hux attempted to appear remorseful, but just ended up looking like the sun was in his eyes. “May I leave now?”

Releasing his hands from hers, Ms. Kanata replied, “Go on ahead.” Hux was almost out the door when she called him back. “Brendon, you might want to consider going to therapy as well. It might help you… relate to your classmates more…”

The face Hux turned to her was devoid of any emotion, fake or otherwise. She shifted in her seat uncomfortably.

“Okay.”

* * *

 

Hux did _not_ pursue therapy and did _not_ ask Mrs. Pava to give him a special curriculum. He needed P.E. class; it gave him an outlet of sorts. It’s not like he attacked people unperturbed.

By senior year, Hux found the perfect excuse for biting arms, kicking groins, and smashing fingers in doors without getting into trouble - self defense.

The reputation his earlier exploits had given him made him an easy target for Bala Tik and his gang of bullies; thugs who didn’t want to feel guilty for using innocent kids as their punching bags. Hux took advantage of their natural inclinations and became their target of choice, thankful for having a delicate build that belied his high tolerance for pain. _Take it, give it, cry for help. I don’t know why they keep attacking me, Mrs. Pava, don’t they know how weak I am? I’m scared!_

The rest of the student body was pleased with the perceived relationship Hux had with Bala Tik’s gang. To them, he kept the bullies occupied and they in turn kept Hux from going after anyone else. Though there was one student who didn’t share the sentiment...

Ben “Kylo Ren” Solo. xXxBeAuTyToRnApArTxXx.

Before he had created his victim persona, Hux didn’t have a chance to see what Kylo’s reactions might have been to his antics. Now though, now that Hux had revealed his identity to Kylo and made a bigger production out of his fights, he got to enjoy every worried glance, every tentative step closer to stop the bullies until Hux retaliated and proved he didn’t need saving.

Eventually Kylo stopped trying to intervene. He would stay a safe distance away or crouch behind one of the rows of lockers to watch Hux goad Bala Tik and his cronies into a scuffle; big, stupid, brown eyes wide in awe as Hux scratched and spit and - when an implement was available - stabbed his way through them until he saw fit to transform into a damsel in distress. As the thugs tried to stagger away from the scene to avoid another office referral, Hux would hold Kylo’s gaze, hooding his eyes and parting his bruised lips in a way that made the scene queen blush as red as the hilarious stripes in his hair. Hux realized after his most recent bout that these were as much for Kylo as they were for himself.

Hux seldom did things for others besides Millicent and his compulsion to show off for _Kylo_ baffled him to no end. Of all the people in the world, it had to be Kylo. Stupid, embarrassing, garish, detestable, disgusting _Kylo._ The boy who whored himself out to the world online, covered in fake blood and photoshopped so completely that his strange face was hardly recognizable. The boy whose slutty lips would surely be coveted by any common pervert and whose expressive eyes would beg for the attention. He was utterly desperate. Pathetic.

So why did Hux keep _giving?_

One of Hux’s favorite hobbies was finding weird or obnoxious people online and observing their behavior, maybe leaving a rude comment or two to see how they would respond. That’s all Kylo was in the beginning; just another specimen to study and laugh at. Now he was an obsession.

Something about the boy confounded Hux. He hung on to Hux’s every word, no matter how cruel, as if he were starved for attention. Why? His MySpace page was a veritable goldmine of compliments and ass-kissing. What made insults so much more appealing?

Sure, Kylo might comment, “shuttt the fuk up hux OMGGGGG XP” after being called any number of humiliating names, but he would keep sending chat requests. It’s like he wasn’t afraid of Hux; he never was.  

Kylo’s fearlessness in the face of Hux’s cruelty was what mystified him the most. Well, no, that was one of the many mysteries, but not the biggest one. Not if Hux was honest with himself.

Hux could understand it if Kylo pursued him just to go with his “edgy” aesthetic, but the rest… the rest of the infatuation made no sense to him. Hux wasn’t blind to the fact that he was objectively attractive; his face was symmetrical enough, he wasn’t morbidly obese, he was diligent in his personal hygiene. But past that he couldn’t see what was so attractive about himself. He had a running list of things that were wrong with him, this being just a sample selection:

 

  * _I can’t make the right expressions._


  * _I twitch and shake._


  * _I stare too much, move my eyes too rapidly, and open them too wide._


  * _I can’t smile correctly in photographs._


  * _I pick at my skin._


  * _I have too many scars._


  * _I want to die._


  * _I’m disgusting and macabre._


  * _I’m not sexually attracted to people the way I should be._


  * _I hate people._


  * _I hurt people._


  * _I am incapable of love._


  * _I want to make him cry._


  * _I want to tear him apart and feel him from the inside._


  * _I want him to want me to._



 

Kylo had no reason to like Hux, let alone chase after him as if his life depended on it. He should stay away. He should stay away because Hux’s first impression was that he hated Kylo…

And Hux was wrong.

**Author's Note:**

> that summary makes this sound way more risque than it is  
> lmao


End file.
